Press Release...
PRESS RELEASE
Merger expected to increase tax benefits, improve cuddle quotent
CENTREVILLE, Va., Feb 5th, 2010 -- Laura Elizabeth Diehl (NYSE:LED), a leading provider of warm and fuzzy art and ninja burger distribution, and Christopher Kyle Kozlowski, (NYSE: CKK)an expert in Information Systems and Internet Spaceships, announced their intent to merge Friday evening in a snowy field, just prior to what was expected to be the largest blizzard to hit the D.C. area in over a century.
"Laura Diehl is the perfect complement to ensuring our internet dominance." said CEO Chris Kozlowski in a statement. "Laura has a proven track record of delivering ninja burgers par excellence in all kinds of adversarial conditions. When combined with our existing portfolio of beam laser and foam dart pistol products, we believe we will be able to deliver unparalleled service to all denizens of the interwebs."
Under the agreement, Laura Diehl will leverage her considerable experience in painting warm and glowing scenes, ultimate chocolate cookie construction and ninja pouncing skill in the formation of a new "Centre of Pouncing Excellence" in Northern Virginia. Revenues from this new operation are expected to top in excess of eleventy trillion credits.
"Chris Kozlowski is an ideal fit for Laura Diehl to expand its growth and market leadership," said Laura in a statement. "Chris has an outstanding reputation in the epic lazor industry, a dedicated computer-fixer customer base, and is a world leader in the coffee and bandwidth absorption markets. We think that this, along with their focus on providing delicious yummies, augments our ninja delivery efforts."
Completion of the transaction is subject to customary closing conditions. Closing is expected within 2 years. Final approval by both board of directors is expected.
Any statements in this press release about future expectations, plans, and prospects for CKK/LED, including statements about the estimated value of the contract and work to be performed, and other statements containing the words "estimates," "believes," "anticipates," "plans," "expects," "will," and similar expressions, constitute forward-looking statements within the meaning of The Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. Actual results may differ materially from those indicated by such forward-looking statements. In addition, the forward-looking statements included in this press release represent our views as of Jan. 25, 2010. We anticipate that subsequent events and developments will cause our views to change. However, while we may elect to update these forward-looking statements at some point in the future, we specifically disclaim any obligation to do so. These forward-looking statements should not be relied upon as representing our views as of any date subsequent to Feb 5th, 2010.
